If you use "sleeps" as a plural noun, I'm going to kill you.

Well, not really. But I can't be the only person out there for whom this nauseatingly twee phrase evokes a feeling akin to biting down hard on a frozen fork wrapped in several sheets of tinfoil. When did this become popular?

First of all, what's wrong with the word "days"? If I'm excited about something happening the day after tomorrow, I'm going to put it... well, just like that. "I'm excited about something happening the day after tomorrow". Or even "Only two days until that thing I'm looking forward to". But two more sleeps? That's as stupid as saying "Two more lunches", "Two more daily routines", " A few shits" (actually, I kind of like this one) or "Fourteen more furious masturbation sessions to re-runs of 'The Onedin Line' on the Yesterday channel".

This is also not withstanding the fact that you may be wrong on a technical level as well. What if you take an afternoon nap at some point between your "two sleeps"? How about if insomnia strikes, and you sit wide-eyed through the night, staring into the murky gloom around you, pondering the utter futility of your insignificant existence (or, more likely, since you're the kind of vacuuous cunt who uses phrases like "two more sleeps", you'll be mentally cataloguing your Forever Friends bear collection and worrying about Jordan and Alex's forthcoming divorce)?

I've been trying, during the course of writing this post, to google around and see if I can find any other opinions about this particular (mis)use of English to either back up my argument or point and laugh at, but due to the somewhat common nature of the word, it's rather hard to do so. For what it's worth, dictionary.com only has the verb form of "sleep" pluralised in its extensive listing, and as far as I can see, doesn't contain any official source for the pluralisation of the noun. Not, of course, that correct grammar is any obstacle to the kind of person likely to use "sleeps" as a noun; indeed, in my experience, they're precisely the sort of semi-literate dick who'll also use "should of" or "would of" (an even larger bugbear of mine, but I'll have another misanthropic rant about that some other time).

So what do we do about this? Unfortunately, summary execution is rather frowned upon in polite society these days, and since the dictatorships that existed during the mid-part of the last century have given the concept of the re-education camp a bad name, our options are somewhat limited. I'm going to have to think it over, and I'll get back to you in four shits, three breakfasts, a change of clothes and two wanks. Or possibly sooner.